New Steps Life Coaching

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These are a few samples from the last year.

February Blog:

Together We Can Create for the Sake of Our Family and Friendships

We all know this famous phrase: “And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you--ask what you can do for your country.”
Fewer know the line that follows: “My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man. “

John F Kennedy spoke these words 50 years ago, on January 20, 1961. They were a call to all- to change their perspective away from being self-focused and toward being citizens of the world. I love that concept, citizen of the world. I’ve thought about these words for the last few weeks and wanted to turn it toward our relationship with loved ones.

I have taken the liberty of turning his phrasing into a motto for me on a personal scale:

“Ask not what my loved ones will do for me, but what together we can create for the sake of our family and friendships.”
What can we CREATE together? What can we deliberately do that will be for the sake of the family and friends, rather than just for me? In the long run we will benefit from the stronger connection that develops.

What might this look like in action?
• Put the laptop, iphone, or blackberry down and have a conversation
• Schedule time to do things together
• Outwardly speak words of praise, appreciation and acknowledgment
• Cook a family meal that everyone loves, even if it’s not your favorite or takes more time than usual
• Admit you are wrong when appropriate and accept an apology when it is offered
• Hold back judgment and offer acceptance instead
• Find a way to listen, even when it is the hardest
• Create clear boundaries and expectations so that there are no more toxic assumptions


The list could go on and on. What would you add?

Relationships are rarely a conscious goal, and yet when they are troubled or tension-filled, they cause the most anxiety for us. Take the time to write your list of ways to create a better relationship for the sake of your family and friendships.
Pick one thing you can do today, one you can do this week, one goal for each month of the year.


"Everybody talks about wanting to change things and help and fix, but ultimately all you can do is fix yourself. And that's a lot. Because if you can fix yourself, it has a ripple effect."
-- Rob Reiner, director

October, 2010 Blog:

De-triggering my triggered selves

I have learned something new in my quest to be a life coach. (Always a good thing) I have learned that we all have different selves within us that can get triggered when we are faced with something challenging. What's "new" about this statement is that my triggered self is not "ME." She is someone I can have a dialogue with in order to deal with her. How I deal with that triggered self is the key to going past uncomfortable moments or situations with "success" or staying stuck in my usual way of doing and being.

For instance, I set a goal to do something that will be challenging or exciting or scary. It is a goal I really want to achieve and it will make my life better. I want it with all my heart. Then poof, my triggered self gets all stirred up and takes over.
Sometimes my triggered self is fear and just stops me in my tracks. She convinces the competent Monica that it's not worth all the angst to try something scary. She is trying to protect me from failure or embarrassment. But avoiding what I truly want or need to be doing is not going to help any!
Sometimes my triggered self is anger and I blow my cool, becoming someone who is completely incapable of functioning normally! (I hate when that happens and those around me tend to duck. Luckily it doesn't happen often.)
Sometimes my triggered self is sadness (not usually around when dealing with goals but something more personal). When sadness takes over I lose hours to the Whoa is Me talk and being in a slump. Nothing gets accomplished.

The point about these examples is that my triggered selves (similar to a saboteur) are not functioning the way I want to be functioning. They are making matters worse for me or are keeping me stuck in a life that is not fulfilling. We all want to grow. We all want to make changes in our lives and break out of habits or create new ones that match the vision of the new self we are trying to become.

What can I do when a triggered self is around? I have created a structure to talk to her, thank her for making me aware of my edgy challenge to the status quo, and tell her to take a hike! I can take over from here. The competent Monica gets to be in charge. Yeah me! There are some body signals I can use, depending on the trigger, that will help me take over and be my most confident, calm or uplifted self. A few deep breaths always come in handy.

If you are thinking I must be some kind of crazy (and I assure you I am not), I will tell you that all this new knowledge comes from my relationship coaching classes. (Center for Right Relationships) I am learning to be in better relationship with MYSELF and to be in better relationship with those around me. This is all part of what I bring to the table as I coach others. I have already tried the exercise on three clients this week and they all love it. To quote one, "I feel like a huge weight is lifted off me!"

If you are interested in trying the exercise with your favorite triggered self please call me. I’m loving this tool! 203-209-5462. The first session is always free and it's all done by phone, so please take me up on it!
Have a happy un-triggered day,
Monica

 *An update: I have used this exercise with moms of young children who lose their temper, with people in a job search who feel frustrated or intimidated, and many others.  They ALL found value from choosing to be in control, not letting their triggered-self take the lead.

Monica Leggett, Life Coach for Individuals, Couples and Families facing transitions, challenges or just wanting to create their most powerful life.

Contact Monica at 203-209-5462 or Monica@newstepslifecoaching.com.

For my full blog page go to www.newstepslifecoaching.blogspot.com

 Welcome to my thoughts.  I'm blending the lines between advice, journaling, sharing ideas, teaching, and motivating my readers toward what is possible.  I have been writing like crazy lately, and finding avenues to share it all.

My newsletter, Step Into Your Life!, is published monthly, including a quote, an article, and several other tips and ideas that go with the theme of the month. I also like to include recommended books, movies or websites. The goal of my newsletter is to share some of the journey you can experience if you make a commitment to a powerful new life! (It certainly helps if you hire a life coach!)  I believe in the whole life model, keeping an eye on all areas of your life and finding balance as they influence each other. If you would like to sign up for a monthly newsletter please go to contact me page.

Back issues of my newsletter:

Feb, 2011: For the Sake of the Relationship

Feb, 2010: Better Relationships Through Positive Intentions

July, 2009: Doing VS Being

August, 2009: A Master Plan

October, 2009: Habits Part I

November, 2009: Habits Part 2

My blog is my way of telling stories and teaching through parables.  I like to share a little bit of myself and hopefully you will enjoy reading them and get inspired or learn something new. I added a blog to this website, but if you are interested in seeing my older blog posts, please go to www.newstepslifecoaching.blogspot.com

Have a nice day and feel free to write back to me.  I love feedback, good or bad.  You can also suggest a topic.

 Previous Articles:

(Parenting)You Wouldn't Let Them Play With Matches

 Guest Commentary- Parenting- Mark E. 

Finding Time