The Emotion of a clean slate

How do you tend to feel as you head into a new year? Are you excited to see what 2021 will bring, ready to roll up your sleeves and create a plan full of fun ideas and logical next steps in your life? Or are you like the many who approach it from a “fix things” perspective. Do you start with “I should” or do you start with “I will”?

Take a closer look at how you talk to yourself:

“I didn’t do enough to lose weight, get ahead, declutter, etc.”

“I have to complete X, Y, and Z before I can get to what I really want.”

We judge ourselves, our lives, our circumstances and try to push our way through life. And when we get brave enough to declare a goal that is meaningful, we often talk ourselves out of it. “I really want to ________, but I can’t.”

Here are some new ways of approaching this “clean slate”…

Questions to reflect on:

• What went well in 2020? What did you learn, what did you enjoy, who inspired you, what motivates you?

• What do you want?

• If each area of your life was a 10, what would that look like? What would you be doing? Who would you be?

• How do you want to connect with life and with others in your life?

Three steps to take to have a great year:

1. Pick a few areas of your life that you’d like to focus on in the next 3 months, paint a picture of what you want to create, and then embrace this clean slate with joy and an exploring and open heart. You can create a vision board, or make a list of outcomes you’d like to achieve and then break them down into separate baby steps – your new goals for 2021.

2. Focus on the habits that will support the goals that you’ve now decided are important to you.

3. Let the wise, knowing, confident part of you stay in charge of your thinking. When you meet an obstacle, know that you’ll figure it out and keep going. “I can do this!”

If you follow these three steps, all from a mindset of self-acceptance, exploration, creativity, and passion, you’ll have a great year. Act on this with consistency and if you need any help, I'm here to support you.

Mountain, Molehill, or Puddle – It’s All a Matter of Perspective

This is NOT a mountain to climb!

Have you ever made something bigger in your mind than it really was?  And then avoided it like the plague and never got it done?

There are once-in-a-while tasks or even projects or dreams we have that, because we’ve never done them before or we don’t feel confident doing them, we put off. It may involve making a big decision and commitment, or will take a big chunk of time to complete. We let our imagination take over and think, “It’s going to be too hard.” Or, “It’s so big I don’t know where to start.” Or, “I just don’t have time for that right now.” These thoughts keep us in the avoidance or procrastination mindset. Our daily whirlwind of activity and our fear of the unknown doesn’t allow us to see any possibility.

My year has been busy - my coaching practice, family events, and the adjustments to becoming a Zoom expert out of shear necessity! (Let’s call that my whirlwind). I also knew that I wanted to do more.

During a recent coaching session (yes, Coaches have Coaches!), I wanted clarity on my next steps for my coaching business and my professional interests. I had several incomplete projects that I wanted to pay attention to; finish writing my book, launch more classes, launch a coach mentoring niche, and a few more “lofty” projects. I was in the mindset that I would “eventually do them all but who knows when”.  The first win of the session was to identify ONE (and only one) thing to focus on. I chose to relaunch my newsletter. The second win of the session was my determination to hire my friend and marketing consultant Jocelyn Murray to help me get this done. I know from past endeavors that I do best with an accountability partner. There were also some technical issues involving my website that were holding me back.

I shifted from, “I can do this all by myself but not sure when I’ll find the time,” to, “I will get this done, one step at a time, with partners to encourage and guide me when I need help.”

When I spoke with Jocelyn, I told her I was ready to make the “big leap”. She said, “It’s not a big leap, it’s just a step over a little puddle.”

That’s when I knew I had been making a mountain out of a mole hill, and even better, this was a little puddle that I could step over. It’s more like a series of puddles and I only have to walk over one at a time! I went from using language that was draining my energy and closing off possibilities to language that shows ease and flow and being at choice. I’ve done this with many, many clients, and now I had someone to help me reframe for myself.

If you are reading this article, it means that I’ve posted it on my website and I’ve sent it out to my newsletter list! The next step for me is to repeat the process over and over until it feels like second nature to me. Please reach out if there is a dream or a “future project” that you’d like to discuss. I want to help you find that new perspective.

Lessons Learned:

1. When you have a bunch of big things you want to accomplish “someday”, pick one and work on it – one step at a time – with a commitment to complete it.

2. Take any big project and chunk it down into smaller steps. When you decide on the first step, it makes the possibility of achieving the next steps much more likely.

3. Action, any action, is better than standing still. If the first step isn’t the right one, that’s ok. You can shift your path at any time.

4. It’s OK to ask for help; an accountability partner, someone to talk to who will be there as you find your new, winning perspective.

See Beyond the Obstacles

I don't usually talk about my spiritual life publicly, but a recent church sermon really got me thinking.

We had a guest priest saying the mass, an Irish friend of our pastor. He mentioned the story of St. Bernadette, who heard the voice of Mary every day for 2 weeks. (I felt very close to St. Bernadette as a child so I paid close attention to this story!)

Mary asked Bernadette to visit the grotto day after day and her persistence and passion started to draw very large crowds. (Her hometown of Lourdes, France is now famous because of Bernadette). By the 14th day the police had blocked off the grotto in an attempt to keep her from her mission. Bernadette had to go to the other side of the stream, climb up the terrain a bit and look down on the grotto from a distance, beyond all the obstacles, in order to see Mary in the grotto. Father Harris made the comparison to our lives, where we come to church daily or weekly to be with God and get beyond all the obstacles in our lives - work and family demands, technology, and the hustle and bustle of life - to be able to see where we are heading and create a path to it.

I'm reminded of the photo I use on this very website on my Philosophy page and share again here. I was traveling in Switzerland with my husband, Steve, and I took the photo 15 minutes after a storm delayed our hike . You can see the storm just beyond us, and even further out you can see the sun shining. You have a choice of what to focus your eye on - the storm or the beautiful sun shining in the distance.

This concept of seeing our lives from above the obstacles, or choosing whether to focus on the storm or the sunshine, is what life coaching has done for me and what I try to do for my clients. Don't let the hustle and bustle of life, along with its demands and obstacles keep you from seeing what your life purpose is. Don't let the inner obstacles of fear or doubt keep you from believing in what is possible. 

Where is your focus?
Is it on the distractions in front of you or the distant path yet traveled?
Is it on the problems or the possibilities and the outcome you want?

Take some time to envision the possible paths your life can take.
Make the time to evaluate the obstacles that are keeping you blocked.
Find a mindset or perspective that will allow you to see the possibilities instead of just the problems.
Create a plan or strategy to bust through the obstacles now, before you waste more time submitting to your fears, doubts, and trivialities of life.
Make your life mean something powerful.
And finally, connect to whatever spirituality allows you to be one with yourself without judgment or criticism. Accept who you are and be the best you can be, create the life you want to live.

I call that being "The Empowered YOU"!

Have a great day.
~Monica