When I get stuck or feel like life is not going the way I planned, I sometimes focus on the problem - my time is getting hijacked by external forces, I'm having trouble focusing, or I just don't feel like doing what I had planned for the day, etc. I look back on my day or my week and see how many ways I DIDN'T do what I "should have".
Thinking like this leads to a lot of negative self talk; beating myself up, getting aggravated by those external forces, wishing life was simpler, whatever. All this negative self talk is a sign. A sign that I'm not setting clear intentions and clear boundaries for myself and others. It might also be a sign that I'm asking too much of myself or others, that I have unrealistic expectations.
Let's try to re-frame the negative talk to a positive approach.
What do I want more of? I want more self-commitment and a clear path of action. I want more results. I want to make a list and stick to it. Did you notice I'm still beating myself up a little?
Try it this way: What brings you joy? What would make you really happy and excited, maybe even relieved? How can you boost your own morale and reward yourself for X, Y, or Z action? What can you do to start and end your day to get you in a good mindset? What kind of breaks can you take during the day that will allow you to move, clear the cobwebs, and refresh your body and soul?
We are not Human Doings. We are Human Beings. Remember that. Be the person you want to be.
I love to celebrate with my clients. We start our sessions with a win for the week. It's amazing how many times a person will say they don't have any wins, but then when they get started talking about it, they realize they made this good choice and that first step. They may not have done exactly what they said they would do but their brain found a way to take one step closer.
I am going to make mindful choices, celebrate more accomplishments, and focus on how great it feels when I get things done and stick to my plan!