Catching Up

Coming Soon - Book Launch

Happy Fall. I hope you are doing well and taking a little time to enjoy the weather before it gets too cold.

It's been months since I sent my last newsletter, so I want to catch you up on my latest news before I continue and offer some takeaways at the end.

I’ve had a busy year with one major goal: publishing my book. I thought it was time to check back in and give you a sense of what that has entailed, just in case you are curious or have thought about writing your own book.

First of all, I have a new respect for anyone who has personally put pen to paper and written a 200-or-so-page book. It has taken a lot longer than I thought it would!

My route, ultimately, was to work with a boutique hybrid publisher here in Connecticut. Jenn T. Grace, owner of Publish Your Purpose, has built a process and a team that supports anyone who wants to publish a non-fiction book but doesn’t want to go the self-publish or traditional routes. I highly recommend her new book, Publish Your Purpose, which gives you invaluable insight into the process of writing and publishing.

By hiring PYP, I’ve had access to a wonderful team of editors, typesetters, a cover artist, a project manager to keep me on track, and personal support from Jenn herself. I’ve had guidance on categories and keywords, future tie-ins to my business, and so much more. My developmental editor, Blue Dulac, helped me find the right rhythm and order for the book. We worked so well together that I hired them to work on my graphics, as well. (I’ve inserted a few of them at the bottom.)

Little did I know, way back in March, that it would take so long to shape my book into its current state, but boy am I glad I didn’t try to do this on my own. It is still mostly my words - but with improved organization, better grammar, and more concise language. I recommend working with a developmental editor if you ever plan to publish anything. I feel like I’ve taken a few college-level writing courses.

Understand Yourself. Look Yourself in the mirrow

Tying what I’ve learned to my book:

1. Focusing on one large goal meant I had to limit other tasks (like newsletter writing). But that was how I chose to keep some balance and less stress in my life.

2. One section of my book is called Understanding Yourself. What I know about me is that I do better with a support team. I also have a hard time following a linear track (outline, write, adjust, edit) and focusing. (ADHD?) This is part of Step 1 of my Action Cycle: Awareness. Despite these personal challenges and awareness, I persisted.

3. Step 2 of my Action Cycle is Acceptance. What I accept now is that I need to start with a clear outline and develop structure and support to keep me focused and accountable - for anything I do. It’s OK to admit my skill gaps and get help for them. Progress, not perfection!

4. Step 8 of the Action Cycle is Reflection. Reflection includes celebration, evaluation, and determining the next steps. I plan to celebrate the book launch with several online and in-person events (to be revealed soon). As I look back on the writing journey, I know I learned a lot and am proud of getting to completion. (Pre-launch of the book will start in December.) My next steps include launching a website to support my book, which will include monthly new content and events, a book club circle, and a membership option to support people through the journey of Doubtful to Decisive and beyond.

How can you apply this to your experiences?

• Is there a BIG project or task you are committed to?

• Are you aware of skill gaps and want to find resources?

• What do you accept about your journey that will help you move forward?

• As you begin to reflect and deepen your awareness, how might it help you assess options, plan, take action, and get to completion?

Please let me know if I can support you in any way. Watch for the upcoming free events and the pre-launch book specials.

Thanks for listening and for all your words of encouragement over the last year. The finish line is just around the corner!

Monica

Remember, Celebrate, and Have Hope

The gardens are blooming, the Patio is open, and We’re ready for visitors!

Life is moving forward while the challenges of 2020 are still on our minds. Many people have shared with me that they are feeling sad, discouraged, stuck, or even depressed. They’ve lost their MOJO after struggling through the last year. It’s not a simple thing to flip the switch and “just be happy.”  I think it takes a conscious effort to express what you are grateful for, take baby steps every day and celebrate them! It also takes mindfulness to turn down the negativity bias our brains are wired for, and instead seek out the positive.

I’ve realized that we can still honor the past while also enjoying and celebrating what is going on in the present and giving us hope for the future. Using my own life, here is an example…

Honor and Remember the Past
As we get used to this interim way of being we are still reminded of all we lost last year. I will remember 2020 for so much personal loss; my sister Grace (it’s her birthday as I am writing this), my father-in-law Russell, my cousin Bobby, my Aunt Lucy, and even my dog Celtie and my daughter’s dog, Gracie. I also had to give up my office and classroom where I could give workshops. No year has ever felt this overwhelmingly sad for me and so many around me all at once.

I can turn that loss into an inspiration to make each day count. I can also remember what went well, like the beautiful new patio and extended deck my husband and I built – all by ourselves. We also adjusted quickly, and without too many issues, to both working from home all day. It has given us a sneak peek into retirement, which is just around the corner. We’ve developed new habits and traditions, like lunching and gardening together during a workday and hosting Steve’s mom and my best friend Sheila for Friday night dinner and a movie.

Celebrate the Present

I was in Virginia this past weekend to celebrate not one, not two, but THREE special events for my family. My grandson Gabriel had his First Communion. Gabriel’s mom, Melissa, celebrated a birthday, and our granddaughter Charlotte turned 10! We celebrated all three with barbeques, a girls’ night out, and even a pool party for our family unit.

What a difference 5 months can make. This was the first time the 10 of us were together since Thanksgiving. We gathered with cautious optimism, dare I say HOPE, and a hint of the new way of BEING. Most of us are fully vaccinated or had at least one shot. We still wore masks at church and around town, used sanitizer, and kept our safe distance. Our girls’ night out was at an outdoor restaurant and a little different than it would have been, but the changes weren’t overwhelming.

Change is just that, a change from our “Old Normal” to our “New Normal.” And who knows how long this will last. The important thing is that we are excited and hopeful. We have done what we needed to do to stay safe, free from the virus, and mentally healthy as we’ve adjusted to life’s challenges.

Hope for the Future

I look around me and I am inspired and hopeful, both personally and professionally:

• My brother Johnny got married to Angela in Brazil, (Angela is Brazilian) and they made a safe return to South Carolina. I look forward to seeing them in person when the time is right.

• My sister’s daughter-in-law, Jen, had a heart transplant and then texted with me the next day!! All I can say is, “WOW!” Today’s technology and medicine is a miracle.

• Our grandkids will end the year with vaccinated parents and full-time in-person schooling. AND they are all registered for summer camp!

• I have clients in 5 states and Australia. (Technology is a wonderful thing!)

• I’m planning an IN-PERSON book club discussion with my networking group, making good use of the patio we built last year. What a joy that will be – to see everyone outside of their Zoom boxes!

I invite you to honor and remember all the amazing ways you coped through the last year, celebrate all the little and big wins in your life, and practice gratitude to boost your hope for the future. Find the positive path and share it with others.

Are You a Crocus or a Daffodil?

As I emerge from this long COVID winter, having kept myself safely isolated in our home for the most part, I’m noticing what’s happening in our garden. The crocuses are in full bloom and the daffodils are starting to emerge too.

I think about the crocus flower, so delicate and yet so brave to just throw itself up into the air, vulnerable to the weather. Some years they battle through the snow. Luckily, this year it was warm and sunny.

Daffodils on the other hand, emerge slowly and steadily, “testing the waters” and keeping their beautiful flower inside a protective bud that waits till the coast is clear. As I walk past a nearby home with 100 feet of daffodils lining the front fence, I notice that the daffodils with more sun are taller and the buds more mature. It’s showing me how important sunlight is to the flower’s development.

In some ways I am like a crocus. I throw myself into things that I am excited about, whether I know what I am doing or not, and before FEAR keeps me from changing my mind. It makes me completely vulnerable to whatever might happen. For example, I bid on a skydiving adventure fundraising prize for my daughter’s church and won it! When I’m brave enough to use this gift card, I’ll be vulnerable like a crocus hurtling myself out of a plane and flying through the air (with a parachute and a tandem guide).  “If George Bush can do it at 80, I can do it too!”, I keep telling myself. Unlike the crocus, I’m going to wait till summer when the air is warmer up there!

Most of the time, I’m more like a daffodil. My ideas brew underground, waiting for things to warm up. I test the waters, speaking to friends and colleagues about it, and eventually my ideas emerge above ground and get some sunlight. The more exposure to “sunlight”, the faster my idea matures and the sooner I take action on it.

When are you the crocus and when are you the daffodil?
How many ideas remain underground and never see the light of day?
What is your “sunlight”?

Enjoy playing with this metaphor as much as I have, and Happy Spring!

3 Keys to Managing Negative Inner Dialogue

We’ve all experienced times when our inner dialogue attempts to sabotage our confidence or goals. Negative self-talk can prevent us from achieving our true potential and can result in added stress or anxiety. But how do we overcome this?

Shirzad Chamine’s book, Positive Intelligence, shows us how to defeat our internal foes. Based on his research, his book discusses ten mental Saboteurs as well as ways to conquer them using the power of your mind.

I’d like to share the three keys that I am taking away from his research, his program, and the results people are getting, including myself. And I’m excited to announce that I am now a Positive Intelligence coach – with one more tool to add to my toolbelt!

These keys will help you manage your Inner Dialogue (the constant chatter our mind generates every minute, hour, and day).

Key #1: Recognize the Three Kinds of Inner Thoughts:

Positive, Negative, or Neutral

Positive thoughts generate positive feelings and are inspiring, curious, patient, and accepting to name just a few qualities.

Neutral thoughts are, essentially, facts. The sky is blue, the dog ate my homework, etc.

Negative thoughts are often generated from the fight-or-flight region of our brain and are the cause of much of our stress, anxiety, procrastination, perfectionism, impatience, and more.

Here is an example using all three types of thoughts for the same situation:

• Negative: I’ll never get all this done today!! (Feeling panicky)

• Neutral: I have 10 things I’d like to do today. (Feeling neutral with a hint of acceptance)

• Positive: I will focus on getting these three main things done first and then evaluate what is next. (Feeling enthusiastic, ready to take charge, focused.)

You might get all 10 things accomplished from any of these perspectives, but the Negative thinking will leave you feeling exhausted for sure!

Key #2: You get to choose which channel to listen to

Raising your awareness to notice the internal running commentary is the first step to changing the channel! Would you rather listen to a doubting, nagging, perfection-seeking, drill sergeant or a compassionate and laser-focused voice that is curious, innovative, and motivated? Channel 2, please!

You know which channel you are listening to based on how you feel. The negative voice, such as your inner judge, is what causes you to feel anxious, stressed, overwhelmed, and drained. That same judge causes you to react negatively to yourself, others, and difficult situations as well. When we keep listening to this channel, we get more and more upset and stuck.

Once you’ve heard the negative message, acknowledge it and then change the channel.

Key #3: Practice will change your brain and bring more happiness and success

I was never much for meditating, and I’m still not an active practitioner – not really. What I’m doing is interrupting my Saboteur messages and finding a full assortment of ways to calm my thoughts and recenter myself; focused breathing is the easiest. There is a ton of research that proves that our minds are “trainable”, adaptable, and will physically change if we do meditative-like activities. Don’t you want to build a “Calm” muscle and weaken the “Panic” muscle?

When you hear the Saboteur thoughts in your mind, or feel increasingly negative, name it, and take 3 slow deep breaths. Concentrate on your breath. Feel the air as it flows into your nose and out. Put your hand on your belly and notice the rise and fall as you breathe in and out. Now, from that calmer place, decide which positive thoughts will guide you.

“I CAN do this!” “I will work on one project at a time.” I will break this project into many smaller steps.” “If I ask, instead of assuming, I’ll probably find the right answer.” “I have time to take a walk.”

Challenge: Apply this to your everyday life

Notice what you are thinking about.
If it is negative, name it, practice breathing, and change the channel.
Practice 5 new ways to look at a challenging situation each week. Here are a few prompts to help get you started.

·         What is the new opportunity here?

·         How can I approach the problem from a new perspective?

·         How can I add self-care and self-compassion into my day?

For 12 years I’ve been helping people go through the steps of noticing, naming, and shifting focus. Now I have a wonderful tool to offer you from your Smartphone as well. If you’d like to know more about the Positive Intelligence program and phone app, please contact me.