Mountain, Molehill, or Puddle – It’s All a Matter of Perspective

This is NOT a mountain to climb!

Have you ever made something bigger in your mind than it really was?  And then avoided it like the plague and never got it done?

There are once-in-a-while tasks or even projects or dreams we have that, because we’ve never done them before or we don’t feel confident doing them, we put off. It may involve making a big decision and commitment, or will take a big chunk of time to complete. We let our imagination take over and think, “It’s going to be too hard.” Or, “It’s so big I don’t know where to start.” Or, “I just don’t have time for that right now.” These thoughts keep us in the avoidance or procrastination mindset. Our daily whirlwind of activity and our fear of the unknown doesn’t allow us to see any possibility.

My year has been busy - my coaching practice, family events, and the adjustments to becoming a Zoom expert out of shear necessity! (Let’s call that my whirlwind). I also knew that I wanted to do more.

During a recent coaching session (yes, Coaches have Coaches!), I wanted clarity on my next steps for my coaching business and my professional interests. I had several incomplete projects that I wanted to pay attention to; finish writing my book, launch more classes, launch a coach mentoring niche, and a few more “lofty” projects. I was in the mindset that I would “eventually do them all but who knows when”.  The first win of the session was to identify ONE (and only one) thing to focus on. I chose to relaunch my newsletter. The second win of the session was my determination to hire my friend and marketing consultant Jocelyn Murray to help me get this done. I know from past endeavors that I do best with an accountability partner. There were also some technical issues involving my website that were holding me back.

I shifted from, “I can do this all by myself but not sure when I’ll find the time,” to, “I will get this done, one step at a time, with partners to encourage and guide me when I need help.”

When I spoke with Jocelyn, I told her I was ready to make the “big leap”. She said, “It’s not a big leap, it’s just a step over a little puddle.”

That’s when I knew I had been making a mountain out of a mole hill, and even better, this was a little puddle that I could step over. It’s more like a series of puddles and I only have to walk over one at a time! I went from using language that was draining my energy and closing off possibilities to language that shows ease and flow and being at choice. I’ve done this with many, many clients, and now I had someone to help me reframe for myself.

If you are reading this article, it means that I’ve posted it on my website and I’ve sent it out to my newsletter list! The next step for me is to repeat the process over and over until it feels like second nature to me. Please reach out if there is a dream or a “future project” that you’d like to discuss. I want to help you find that new perspective.

Lessons Learned:

1. When you have a bunch of big things you want to accomplish “someday”, pick one and work on it – one step at a time – with a commitment to complete it.

2. Take any big project and chunk it down into smaller steps. When you decide on the first step, it makes the possibility of achieving the next steps much more likely.

3. Action, any action, is better than standing still. If the first step isn’t the right one, that’s ok. You can shift your path at any time.

4. It’s OK to ask for help; an accountability partner, someone to talk to who will be there as you find your new, winning perspective.

See Beyond the Obstacles

I don't usually talk about my spiritual life publicly, but a recent church sermon really got me thinking.

We had a guest priest saying the mass, an Irish friend of our pastor. He mentioned the story of St. Bernadette, who heard the voice of Mary every day for 2 weeks. (I felt very close to St. Bernadette as a child so I paid close attention to this story!)

Mary asked Bernadette to visit the grotto day after day and her persistence and passion started to draw very large crowds. (Her hometown of Lourdes, France is now famous because of Bernadette). By the 14th day the police had blocked off the grotto in an attempt to keep her from her mission. Bernadette had to go to the other side of the stream, climb up the terrain a bit and look down on the grotto from a distance, beyond all the obstacles, in order to see Mary in the grotto. Father Harris made the comparison to our lives, where we come to church daily or weekly to be with God and get beyond all the obstacles in our lives - work and family demands, technology, and the hustle and bustle of life - to be able to see where we are heading and create a path to it.

I'm reminded of the photo I use on this very website on my Philosophy page and share again here. I was traveling in Switzerland with my husband, Steve, and I took the photo 15 minutes after a storm delayed our hike . You can see the storm just beyond us, and even further out you can see the sun shining. You have a choice of what to focus your eye on - the storm or the beautiful sun shining in the distance.

This concept of seeing our lives from above the obstacles, or choosing whether to focus on the storm or the sunshine, is what life coaching has done for me and what I try to do for my clients. Don't let the hustle and bustle of life, along with its demands and obstacles keep you from seeing what your life purpose is. Don't let the inner obstacles of fear or doubt keep you from believing in what is possible. 

Where is your focus?
Is it on the distractions in front of you or the distant path yet traveled?
Is it on the problems or the possibilities and the outcome you want?

Take some time to envision the possible paths your life can take.
Make the time to evaluate the obstacles that are keeping you blocked.
Find a mindset or perspective that will allow you to see the possibilities instead of just the problems.
Create a plan or strategy to bust through the obstacles now, before you waste more time submitting to your fears, doubts, and trivialities of life.
Make your life mean something powerful.
And finally, connect to whatever spirituality allows you to be one with yourself without judgment or criticism. Accept who you are and be the best you can be, create the life you want to live.

I call that being "The Empowered YOU"!

Have a great day.
~Monica

Destiny Part II: I LOVE What I Do

Destiny Part II: I love what I do!

I love being a life and business coach. Though I never planned to be a coach, I’m quite happy that I followed my gut into this field. I get a front-row seat as people get really engaged and inspired to take control of their life and their future. I get to see goals achieved, confidence and pride built, and a whole shift take place; clients are taking back control of their lives and setting a purposeful course.

Many people call it “Inner Work” and I have to agree. Changes are made from the inside out; shifting focus, setting goals and boundaries and priorities. It is so rewarding to be a part of the transformations that I see on a regular basis.

I have transformed along with my clients. I have gained confidence and clarity, learned to use the tools I teach, and learned that I have to practice, practice, and practice some more every day. You don’t get proficient at anything without putting in the work.

Today I have the honor of rekindling a coaching relationship with one of my very first clients from 2008. Anjali is a dancer, choreographer and college professor. We worked together for over a year between 2008 and 2010. We did our coaching sessions by phone since she lived in FL (and still does) while I live in CT.

It’s hard to explain how you can build such a strong bond with someone by phone, but we did – and have touched base from time to time since then. (She gets more of the credit).  I still have a thank you card that she sent me in 2012! It meant the world to me to see that she was living the life she had aspired to live (her “future self”) and had made many bold decisions along the way.

Anjali has redefined her life since we first started working together. She has set and achieved some amazing goals with real focus and direction. She has also taken direction from signals in her life – like creating an amazing show based on the 33 quilts she inherited from her mother and grandmother; presenting it a few times since March. Anjali just finished a fellowship at NYU where I had the good fortune to finally meet her in person as she shared her history in “Diary of a Black Ballerina.” (Anjali was a member of the famous Dance Theater of Harlem, led by Arthur Mitchell, and toured Europe and Russia in the late 1980’s).

Anjali accelerated the achievement of her hopes and dreams by staying focused and brave – she had those qualities before we met, and she continues to push forward with new goals and aspirations. We haven’t worked together since 2010, so I can’t wait to hear what she wants to pursue in the coming years and I’ll be right there beside her, proud as punch, as she achieves her goals.

Learn, Do, and Teach

I love to learn new concepts that will make my life better. And then I like to teach them.

I recently started a new coach training program based on the book, “Profit from the Positive”, by Margaret Greenberg and Senia Maymin, both executive coaches who hold a Masters in Applied Positive Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania. Margaret is our instructor and 6 of us (mostly other coaches) are connected weekly on a virtual platform.

As we learn new material we are both requested and encouraged to teach others what we are learning – it has been proven that you learn the material much better if you learn, do and teach (my words for it). I have used this technique ever since I completed my first coaching class in 2006.

Learn, teach, do – or Learn, do and teach. Either way, the material gets to a deep level of consciousness for me. The more I do and teach, the more readily the material is accessible when I need it!

There is more than one way to absorb new material. I take tons of notes – when I’m reading the book and during our class. Then I review the notes and sometimes add to them. I think about the material and see if I can memorize any foundational material that is the key to using it. I practice using any tools that come up. I also talk about the material to others and use any new concepts or tools with clients asap.

For instance, in “Profit from the Positive”, the first chapter talks about the three common reasons for a loss in productivity – we are Overworked, we Multitask, and we Procrastinate. Well, if you know me, you know the theme procrastination has played in my life recently. I wrote a book that describes the STOP Syndrome: Stress, Tension, Overwhelm, and PROCRASTINATION! Procrastination is the trait that seeps into our lives and puts a halt on progress while making us feel “less-than”, shameful, guilty, and even depressed.

Non-procrastinators just don’t seem to understand. They say things like, “Just do It!” (I’ve told myself that very phrase more times than I can count). But it’s not just about “doing it”. We are not lazy. Our mind is telling us a million reasons why NOT doing it is so much better in this moment. Things like, “You don’t have time to do it all”, “It won’t work”, “It will be too hard”, or “I don’t know where to start.”

These are evil, confidence-killing phrases that take control of our mind and crush our productivity.

That leads me to the teaching part.

Dr Maymin and Greenberg offer great tools to shift your mindset and get you into action – and that’s just chapter one!

So take this Procrastination:

·         Just Plan It!

·         Trick yourself into getting started

·         Set habits, not just goals (BIG IDEA!)

·         Work less, accomplish more

I recently started with a new client, the day my class covered these 4 tools. I KNEW they would be perfect to share with her. After hearing about these four tools she immediately embraced the first and third tool. We planned out some strategies for the week, breaking a HUGE goal into tiny, achievable parts, and she texted twice in the first 2 days to tell me what she had already accomplished and how great it makes her feel.

She is doing! That is the key. She has broken the log jam of procrastination. I am doing more too!

THAT is a beautiful thing.

Learn, do, and teach. I completed the cycle in 24 hours! Now it’s your turn.

Read “Profit from the Positive” and pass it on!

PS. “Profit from the Positive” is a great book - a guide for business leaders, managers, executive coaches, and human resource professionals. I do not gain anything by having you buy this book – I just like to support authors who write great things!