3 Keys to Managing Negative Inner Dialogue

We’ve all experienced times when our inner dialogue attempts to sabotage our confidence or goals. Negative self-talk can prevent us from achieving our true potential and can result in added stress or anxiety. But how do we overcome this?

Shirzad Chamine’s book, Positive Intelligence, shows us how to defeat our internal foes. Based on his research, his book discusses ten mental Saboteurs as well as ways to conquer them using the power of your mind.

I’d like to share the three keys that I am taking away from his research, his program, and the results people are getting, including myself. And I’m excited to announce that I am now a Positive Intelligence coach – with one more tool to add to my toolbelt!

These keys will help you manage your Inner Dialogue (the constant chatter our mind generates every minute, hour, and day).

Key #1: Recognize the Three Kinds of Inner Thoughts:

Positive, Negative, or Neutral

Positive thoughts generate positive feelings and are inspiring, curious, patient, and accepting to name just a few qualities.

Neutral thoughts are, essentially, facts. The sky is blue, the dog ate my homework, etc.

Negative thoughts are often generated from the fight-or-flight region of our brain and are the cause of much of our stress, anxiety, procrastination, perfectionism, impatience, and more.

Here is an example using all three types of thoughts for the same situation:

• Negative: I’ll never get all this done today!! (Feeling panicky)

• Neutral: I have 10 things I’d like to do today. (Feeling neutral with a hint of acceptance)

• Positive: I will focus on getting these three main things done first and then evaluate what is next. (Feeling enthusiastic, ready to take charge, focused.)

You might get all 10 things accomplished from any of these perspectives, but the Negative thinking will leave you feeling exhausted for sure!

Key #2: You get to choose which channel to listen to

Raising your awareness to notice the internal running commentary is the first step to changing the channel! Would you rather listen to a doubting, nagging, perfection-seeking, drill sergeant or a compassionate and laser-focused voice that is curious, innovative, and motivated? Channel 2, please!

You know which channel you are listening to based on how you feel. The negative voice, such as your inner judge, is what causes you to feel anxious, stressed, overwhelmed, and drained. That same judge causes you to react negatively to yourself, others, and difficult situations as well. When we keep listening to this channel, we get more and more upset and stuck.

Once you’ve heard the negative message, acknowledge it and then change the channel.

Key #3: Practice will change your brain and bring more happiness and success

I was never much for meditating, and I’m still not an active practitioner – not really. What I’m doing is interrupting my Saboteur messages and finding a full assortment of ways to calm my thoughts and recenter myself; focused breathing is the easiest. There is a ton of research that proves that our minds are “trainable”, adaptable, and will physically change if we do meditative-like activities. Don’t you want to build a “Calm” muscle and weaken the “Panic” muscle?

When you hear the Saboteur thoughts in your mind, or feel increasingly negative, name it, and take 3 slow deep breaths. Concentrate on your breath. Feel the air as it flows into your nose and out. Put your hand on your belly and notice the rise and fall as you breathe in and out. Now, from that calmer place, decide which positive thoughts will guide you.

“I CAN do this!” “I will work on one project at a time.” I will break this project into many smaller steps.” “If I ask, instead of assuming, I’ll probably find the right answer.” “I have time to take a walk.”

Challenge: Apply this to your everyday life

Notice what you are thinking about.
If it is negative, name it, practice breathing, and change the channel.
Practice 5 new ways to look at a challenging situation each week. Here are a few prompts to help get you started.

·         What is the new opportunity here?

·         How can I approach the problem from a new perspective?

·         How can I add self-care and self-compassion into my day?

For 12 years I’ve been helping people go through the steps of noticing, naming, and shifting focus. Now I have a wonderful tool to offer you from your Smartphone as well. If you’d like to know more about the Positive Intelligence program and phone app, please contact me.

A Thirty-Minute Gift: Reward Yourself with a New Morning Routine

What would you do if you woke up 30-minutes early? Before the alarm. Before you NEED to get up? Would you go back to sleep or use it as a gift?

“The breezes at dawn have secrets to tell you.
Don’t go back to sleep!
You must ask for what you really want.
Don’t go back to sleep!”
-          Rumi

I have heard of this quote for years, and if I ever wake up just a little before my alarm I consider staying up, but my Indulger usually gets the better of me and I choose to go back to sleep.

What can you do in thirty minutes that would be worth losing that little catnap? What would be a gift to you? What do you WANT to do with that time?

• Meditate, exercise, or journal?

• Take a leisurely shower?

• Get a “jump on your day”?

• Spend quality time with someone?

Your morning routine can set your day in motion with joy and ease or panic and chaos. You can be filled with confidence and clarity or anxiety and worry. You can enjoy connection with others or brush them off because you “don’t have time”.

The Perils of the Snooze Button

I set my alarm to wake me up with the radio, rather than a jarring alarm. Softly, slowly, I wake up to the jolly banter of my favorite radio team – Anna and Raven. If I time it right, I can listen to the “Couples Court”, where the radio audience helps to solve a couple’s dilemma (I think of this as research - did you know I coach couples?).

More often than not, this “routine” has turned into a delay tactic; the radio teases me with one entertaining bit after another. I really “should” be getting up and dressed, then going downstairs to say hi to my early-bird husband (who is at his computer by 6:30 am), make my breakfast, and then head to my home office.

I usually get to my first appointment of the day with little time to spare. I start the day feeling disappointed or undisciplined because I didn’t do what I said I would do this time – ease into my day and take a few minutes to gather my thoughts and plan out my morning. I’ve given my Inner Judge the opportunity it needs to berate me once again.

A Better Way to Launch Your Day

Every morning we have a choice – to wake up with the “secrets of the dawn” and use that extra time wisely, or we can let our Indulger keep hitting the snooze button and then suffer from our Judge telling us we screwed up again. Based on my years of coaching, there are at least 50% of my readers who wish they had a better morning routine.

I challenge you to rethink and rework your morning routine, designing it to launch your day with ease and flow. What do you want? What would make your day go more smoothly? What new habit would support you? It takes weeks to develop new habits, so declare what you want, celebrate the intermittent wins, and stick with it. Listen to your Wiser Self – Don’t go back to sleep!

Now if I would just go to bed 30 minutes earlier…

7 Steps to a New Morning Routine

We all yearn to improve our morning and evening routines in order to feel better about our day and to be more productive. How can we use our time wisely and even fit in some special reflection and prep time while also getting enough sleep?

I like to think of our routines as the framework that allows us to use our most effective mind, rather than trying to willpower or panic our way through the day. “I should” and “I have to” statements have built-in anxiety and judgement. If we say “I will follow this routine” (that I have created for myself), it gives us a feeling of being in control with a commitment to make it happen.

This lesson was drilled home to me a few years ago when I was babysitting for my grandkids. My daughter knew I like to sleep in, but she gently persuaded me to get up just 15 minutes before the kids so that I would be one step ahead of the “must do’s”; breakfast, getting dressed, back-packs, dogs out, bus pick-up, and daycare drop off.  All that happens in a mere 60 minutes! If I wasn’t dressed and ready to go when the kids got up, I would be driving in my pajamas!!

To avoid chaos and disappointment, let’s look at my seven steps to make our mornings calmer, beginning with the night before:

Step 1. Begin at night to prepare for the needs of your family and yourself.

• Prepare for your morning rush – whatever that might look like, (lunches made, papers ready, clothes decided on).

• Write out 3 things you will do tomorrow morning; a phone call, an email to write, or a meeting to prepare for. Determine your priorities for the day so you can jump right in without a decision to make. The best time to do this is in the late afternoon or evening while it is fresh in your mind. It makes it easier to get to sleep, too!

Step 2. Determine all the steps you want to fit into your morning routine, then decide the order, how long each will take, and what time you need to be done by. Throw out your old timeline and get tuned into what will work best for you. My list might include: hygiene, dressing, meditation/exercise, journaling, breakfast, talk to my husband, and “walk to work.” Imagine yourself doing each of these steps and determine the best order and location. Be careful for any “have-tos” that might sneak in.

• Bonus tip. Be realistic with how long things take.

Step 3. Once you determine your time to get up, subtract 8 hours and set your goal for lights out. Our body needs sleep and if we don’t oblige, it will fight back in ways that we can’t control.

Step 4. Write out your plan. I can’t say it enough. If the steps are clear, the mind will oblige.

Step 5. Be prepared for the Inner Critic that will throw out challenges for you. For instance, the Avoider or Hyper-Achiever in you might try to rationalize why today is not the day to start a new routine. Repeat after me, “I have time”, “I will make time”, “This will make my day so much better.”

Step 6. Track a few steps from your routine and what time they should be done by. If you’re really nerdy about it, you can make a chart and check off each step for a week or more to see how you’re doing. Example, I want to be done with my morning mediation and journal by 7:15 and down in the kitchen by 7:45.

Step 7. Do a daily mindset check-in. Are you proud of yourself for any progress you are making? Do you have compassion for yourself when you get behind? It is important to celebrate each win as you start building these habits. You’re actually building new gray matter in your brain, developing new neuropathways that will make it easier and easier to follow this routine.

Good luck and remember to let me know if you need any help or want to discuss what is working or not working for you.

The Emotion of a clean slate

How do you tend to feel as you head into a new year? Are you excited to see what 2021 will bring, ready to roll up your sleeves and create a plan full of fun ideas and logical next steps in your life? Or are you like the many who approach it from a “fix things” perspective. Do you start with “I should” or do you start with “I will”?

Take a closer look at how you talk to yourself:

“I didn’t do enough to lose weight, get ahead, declutter, etc.”

“I have to complete X, Y, and Z before I can get to what I really want.”

We judge ourselves, our lives, our circumstances and try to push our way through life. And when we get brave enough to declare a goal that is meaningful, we often talk ourselves out of it. “I really want to ________, but I can’t.”

Here are some new ways of approaching this “clean slate”…

Questions to reflect on:

• What went well in 2020? What did you learn, what did you enjoy, who inspired you, what motivates you?

• What do you want?

• If each area of your life was a 10, what would that look like? What would you be doing? Who would you be?

• How do you want to connect with life and with others in your life?

Three steps to take to have a great year:

1. Pick a few areas of your life that you’d like to focus on in the next 3 months, paint a picture of what you want to create, and then embrace this clean slate with joy and an exploring and open heart. You can create a vision board, or make a list of outcomes you’d like to achieve and then break them down into separate baby steps – your new goals for 2021.

2. Focus on the habits that will support the goals that you’ve now decided are important to you.

3. Let the wise, knowing, confident part of you stay in charge of your thinking. When you meet an obstacle, know that you’ll figure it out and keep going. “I can do this!”

If you follow these three steps, all from a mindset of self-acceptance, exploration, creativity, and passion, you’ll have a great year. Act on this with consistency and if you need any help, I'm here to support you.

Release and Invite In for 2021

Part Two of the End-of-Year Ritual: Release and Invite In 

In my last newsletter, I wrote about taking time to celebrate wins. The second half of my annual end-of-year ritual is to evaluate what you want to let go of and what you’d like to invite into your life. There are so many things, situations, habits, and emotions that might come to mind for 2020; the obvious and the not-so-obvious.

Remind yourself what was draining for you this year. What isn’t working for you anymore? What do you want to let go of? What relationships have become toxic? What habits and limiting beliefs are standing in your way? As you metaphorically or literally let go, you make room in your heart and in your life, for more.

It’s up to you to decide what to invite in, otherwise, stuff might just show up to fill that space and it might not be what you want! What energy, emotions, or characteristics do you want to invite in – some new way of being? What situations, projects, people, or exciting next steps do you want to pursue? What do you want your life to look like? Do your best to identify what is most meaningful to you.

The bottom line: let go of what is not serving you and mindfully invite in what you want! Then do everything you can to make that happen.

The evaluation process to celebrate, let go, and invite in with intention takes time and thought, so don’t rush through it like some dreaded chore. Honor the process and honor yourself. Block out some focused time, limit possible distractions, and make it a ritual. Contact me if you’d like a worksheet for this.

To set the tone, you might do some of the following: set the right atmosphere with candles or music, write on special paper or in your favorite journal, start with some meditation or slow deep breathing, and then write down all that comes to you for each category without trying to make it perfect. I also encourage you to WRITE it down rather than just think about it. Swimming thoughts in your head are much harder to capture and mold into an intention.

My wish for you is more joy, ease, and flow, in your life. I wish that you’re able to have fun dreaming, exploring, planning, collaborating. All of that will lead to taking new steps and experiencing new results.

Check out the blog post written by my friend, Ele Dootson, which gives more suggestions about how to make this process special. Burning Bowl Ritual to Release and Invite In.              

Burning Bowl Ceremony: Releasing 2020 and Inviting in 2021

I’ve asked a dear friend of mine, Ele Dootson, to write this post. She is a Life Coach and owner of Radiant Light Coaching.
The ‘“burning bowl “ ceremony can be a powerful way to bring completion to 2020 and to transition to 2021 with mindful intention and peace.

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I think we can all agree that 2020 was a year of unprecedented fear, uncertainty, and loss. It has been an opportunity to dig deep and stretch ourselves in our journey of personal growth and to practice resiliency. We have been learning to pivot in order to adjust to this new climate and find new ways of being with ourselves and others. New Years is often a time when we reflect on the past year and look forward to what we wish the new year to be. Creating a mindful space for a burning bowl ceremony allows us to release the past and invite in what we wish to manifest.

Across many spiritual traditions, fire is a powerful symbol of wisdom, knowledge, passion, purification, transformation, divinity, and light.  Fire inflames, consumes, inspires, illuminates, warms and serves as a catalyst for change.  Native Americans saw smoke as a symbol and pathway to send and release thoughts and prayers to the Great Spirit. 

There is freedom in releasing and letting go.  It’s a form of surrender to that which is greater.  Forgiveness is an example of truly releasing, i.e. “For giving freedom to all!”  Releasing what no longer serves, makes room for the desires of the heart and soul. 

The burning bowl ritual focuses on what wants/needs to be released from the past, to free up the present moment, and be intentional in the invitation of what we truly want and what wants to emerge as we pave the pathway into the future.  It honors our awareness of what needs to change in our lives so that we can realize a higher potential in ourselves and our experience.  

You may follow this practice by yourself or in a group. It is very powerful to share this ceremony with a group of trusted friends, family, or a special group you are connected to on an authentic level. 

The Ritual:

Things you will need to have ready:

• Paper strips or Flying Wishing Paper*

• Pen

• A safe place to burn the paper – brass or glass bowl, a fire place, or outdoor fire pit

• Matches

• Sage or sweetgrass optional

1.      Setting the tone: Find a quiet place to be thoughtful in meditation/contemplation.  Settle in, get in a comfortable position to relax and be grounded. Open your mind to what you want to release from 2020 and invite in for 2021. ​ A few ways to get grounded are deep breathing, alternate nostril breathing*, and saying a Mantra as you breathe*.

2.      Gratitude:  Allow yourself to quiet your mind and begin to focus on what you are grateful for.  Celebrate and give thanks for all that you are grateful for in your life. 

3.      Acknowledge what is ready to release: When your heart is open and your mind is calm, write on a piece of paper the specific things, emotions, limiting thinking, habits, behaviors, people, etc. that you know it’s time to release. The act of writing it down is a humble acknowledgment and truth-telling, the key to true surrender and release.

•      What are you ready to let go of? 

•      What keeps you from having the experience you want to have?     

4.      Let go: In a safe way, offer this paper into the fire (Please use a fire-safe bowl, pit, fireplace, outdoor candle, etc.).  Sometimes people also put sage or sweetgrass into the fire along with the paper, as a form of cleansing, as ancient cultures have done to purify. As the papers burn, imagine that you are being released and freed from that which has bound you or held you back.  You may say out loud an affirmation such as “I forgive and release everything and everyone from the past and present that no longer serves, for the highest good for all involved, offering freedom and peace.” Or “Into this smoke, I release all energies that do not serve me, all negativity that surrounds me and all fears that limit me. So it is.” Rub your hands together for a final release of the attachment that you just let go of.

5.      Inviting in, New intentions:  Make a new list of what you are inviting in to move forward into the next phase of your life.  Invite in what you want to create, manifest, and experience in this next phase.  The sky’s the limit!  Take a leap of faith and follow your bliss! Write those items or experiences onto pieces of paper.

•      What do you want? 

•      What else does your heart yearn for that wasn’t allowed or was held back by fear 

6.      Release:   Again, put the paper into the fire and allow it to be released to that which is greater; trust in setting the intention and letting it go calls forth the support of the Universe. As you burn each intention you can say “I am inviting in ______”

7.      Take inspired action and bless the process:  Make a list of that which is within your reach and ability to take action on that serves in moving you towards your intentions. This is your work.  Finally, give thanks and gratitude for the process, honoring the great mystery that partners with you, and blessing your part in realizing what it is you want. 

Options for setting the tone

* Try a Kundalini and Hatha Yoga Alternate Nostril breathing exercise.​ This practice is an excellent way to let go of worries at the end of the day and to calm down the mind​. Inhaling through the left nostril helps to allow new perspectives, allowing you to reset your framework of thinking​. Exhaling through the right nostril relaxes the constant chatter in your brain and helps break autonomic patterns​. Alternate nostril breathing establishes emotional balance and calmness​.

Alternate nostril breathing instructions:

• Close your eyes, looking gently up to focus on the Brow Point.​

• Use the right thumb and right (pinkie) to close off alternate nostrils. ​

• Close off the right nostril with the right thumb. Inhale slowly and deeply through the left nostril. When the breath is full, switch nostrils

• Close off the left nostril with the little finger, and exhale slowly and fully through the right​ nostril. ​

• The breath is smooth, complete, and continuous​

• Continue with long deep and even breaths for 3 minutes 

*You can add a Mantra if you choose. You can use any two words that have meaning for you. Use the same words for the entire practice.​ Some possible examples are:​

• inhale peace - exhale love,

• inhale light - exhale darkness,​

• inhale gratitude - exhale happiness
  

Note:  I discovered Wishing Paper, which is a special paper that is safe to burn indoors.  You can write on it, roll it up (as described in the instructions), light it, and as it ignites, it flies up in the air and instantly turns into a single ash that falls down in one piece completely free from embers.  You can find these online or in specialty or novelty stores.   

Ele Dootson, ACC, is a Transformational Life Coach and owner of Radiant Light Coaching. Ele approaches coaching from a place of courage, compassion, empathy, and vulnerability which allows her to create strong partnerships with her clients. Ele empowers individuals to access their inner wisdom and power to create a life of courage, confidence and choice. Many of her clients are Highly Sensitive People who discover how to move from surviving to thriving, from overwhelm to calm, and to create intentions, choices, and actions that are in alignment with their authentic self in order to live life fully, purposefully, and vibrantly!

Mindful Celebration

2020 is almost over! Many of us looked at this year with such promise; we all had high hopes for “2020 vision” coming from this unique year. Boy, were we surprised and even frightened by what actually showed up! And perhaps, just perhaps, if we look through a special lens, we can see that we gained 2020 vision from an unexpected source.

Did you get new awareness about what is really important to you?
Did you find new ways and new opportunities to connect with people?
Did you take on a new challenge or two (like Zoom!) or stretch your comfort zone?
What new thing did you learn about yourself, your loved ones, or the world around you?

Despite all the challenges, sadness, conflict, and strife caused by COVID and the conflict in the country, I would like to propose that we mindfully and consciously celebrate the ways we have not only survived but thrived in 2020. We’ve gained new appreciation for things we used to take for granted.

If you put on a “positive thoughts only” lens, what comes to mind when you read these questions?
What energized you this year?
What would you consider a big win, a medium win, and even a few little wins?
Where are you gaining momentum? What direction are you heading?

I use these questions to take note of what I want to celebrate. It’s like looking at a range of mountains and noticing only the well-lit peaks. Acknowledging and celebrating what is working well inspires me to repeat or build on those things. Allow me to share a little…

My big business win, besides relaunching my newsletter, was taking a few really great training programs; Coach Mentor Certification and Positive Intelligence. I chose them so that I could serve my clients in all new ways but I think I have benefited from them in both personal and professional ways that I didn’t expect. The Positive Intelligence course allows me to offer my clients a fantastic new process to build their mental fitness – finding positive ways to reframe and overcome challenges. Little did I know I would go through such huge losses this fall, and I used the tools of mental fitness to help me stay inspired, motivated, and passionate about my life and my work. I’ll be offering my own course to the public in January.

A personal big win was the beautiful patio that my husband and I built. We spent many hours planning, measuring, digging, and laying stone and pavers. We’ve never done a physical-labor project together from start to finish and it proved to be a successful partnership. (like our 40-year marriage!)

Smaller wins included saving money on gas, focusing on my writing again, getting a little more organized, and becoming a bit of a Zoom expert.

When I think of what energized me, I have to mention that I worked on Election Day as a Poll worker for the very first time and was “thanked for my service” by many people. I thoroughly enjoyed the 15-hour day and met wonderful people (and only one challenger) in the process. After months of seeing so few people in person, it was an extroverted person’s dream day!

I’ve shared with you some of my list of wins and energizers – now it’s your turn.

Take out a journal, a notebook, or a fresh document in your computer and start celebrating your wins, your energizers, the new things you learned, and the ways your life is building momentum. What do you have new appreciation for? What do you want to do more of? This is the first step in creating a plan for 2021.

Watch for the second half of this article in a few weeks. You’ll get to consciously release what didn’t serve you and calmly and mindfully invite into your life what is meaningful and treasured. I might just include a video of me demonstrating this exercise!! (Can we say S-T-R-E-T-C-H?)

Are You Avoiding the BIG THINGS? What are you doing instead?

In my last post I talked about avoiding – putting off some sort of task, conversation, or decision – due to a variety of reasons. This time I want to dig a little deeper into what we tend to do instead of the Big Things. I say “we” because I am a classic recovering Avoider so I am very familiar with the Avoider’s mindset!

Sometimes the Big Thing is something we know very well – like doing our taxes, getting a physical, or preparing a presentation. Other times the Big Thing is an unfulfilled dream; to finally start a business, to de-clutter the entire house, or to find life balance. The mindset of avoidance might keep us from doing anything BUT that Big Thing that would be a huge relief or a big win. Let’s call them Default Tasks.

These default tasks fall into five categories: Easy Wins, Distractions, The Predictable, The Mundane, and the Right Channel, Wrong Task. Start paying attention to which categories you spend your time in.

Easy wins are all relative to the doer. What I consider easy might be painful for someone else. (I LOVE to balance my checkbook!) What they have in common is that they may only take a few minutes and require little effort. They don’t take up a lot of mental space for you and they’ll allow you to cross something off your list. “I need to do this anyway, so why don’t I just do it first to get it out of the way?” The problem is that, if you’re not careful, easy wins can take up some of your best chunks of time.

Distractions are often time wasters that cause you to lose focus. They may start off as a task but keep your attention for way too long. (Example – social media and emails). Distractions might also be your surroundings, the people in your life, or current events. They lure your attention away and break down your willpower to work on that one Big Thing. Distractions may also include food or other alternatives we choose to soothe the anxiety of not doing the Big Thing. (That’s a whole other topic!)

The Predictable are things that you KNOW – what to do, how long it will take, and what the probable outcome will be. These things are most likely tasks that you’re really good at. They might be similar to easy wins but may not even be on your to-do list and will help you rationalize why you don’t have time for the Big Thing.

The Mundane are daily chores or tasks that are like a constant wave – you never get completely ahead. Do you suddenly start doing laundry, cleaning the fridge, or walking your pet to avoid what you “should” be doing? My house is never cleaner than when I have a Big Thing to do.

Right Channel, Wrong Task. Sometimes we choose a task that is in the right channel, but the wrong target. Do you call your favorite work colleague for no reason instead of having a pointed conversation that is really pressing on you? Do you work on Project A instead of B, which needs more pressing attention?

Sometimes we get started on a long-term Big Thing and then lose focus or willpower. Have you committed to “getting healthy” and started an exercise regimen only to see it wane after a few weeks or months? Have you started a business plan or looked into a new certification but then never followed through?

The alternatives to working on our Big Thing are part of our everyday life. It is often normal to be doing the alternatives, just not helpful! The key to achieving the Big Things is to prioritize them, commit to them, set boundaries around the alternatives, and do ONE Big Thing at a time.

If you need a little help, let me know. In my next post I’ll share some other strategies to get into action around your Big Things.

Mountain, Molehill, or Puddle – It’s All a Matter of Perspective

This is NOT a mountain to climb!

Have you ever made something bigger in your mind than it really was?  And then avoided it like the plague and never got it done?

There are once-in-a-while tasks or even projects or dreams we have that, because we’ve never done them before or we don’t feel confident doing them, we put off. It may involve making a big decision and commitment, or will take a big chunk of time to complete. We let our imagination take over and think, “It’s going to be too hard.” Or, “It’s so big I don’t know where to start.” Or, “I just don’t have time for that right now.” These thoughts keep us in the avoidance or procrastination mindset. Our daily whirlwind of activity and our fear of the unknown doesn’t allow us to see any possibility.

My year has been busy - my coaching practice, family events, and the adjustments to becoming a Zoom expert out of shear necessity! (Let’s call that my whirlwind). I also knew that I wanted to do more.

During a recent coaching session (yes, Coaches have Coaches!), I wanted clarity on my next steps for my coaching business and my professional interests. I had several incomplete projects that I wanted to pay attention to; finish writing my book, launch more classes, launch a coach mentoring niche, and a few more “lofty” projects. I was in the mindset that I would “eventually do them all but who knows when”.  The first win of the session was to identify ONE (and only one) thing to focus on. I chose to relaunch my newsletter. The second win of the session was my determination to hire my friend and marketing consultant Jocelyn Murray to help me get this done. I know from past endeavors that I do best with an accountability partner. There were also some technical issues involving my website that were holding me back.

I shifted from, “I can do this all by myself but not sure when I’ll find the time,” to, “I will get this done, one step at a time, with partners to encourage and guide me when I need help.”

When I spoke with Jocelyn, I told her I was ready to make the “big leap”. She said, “It’s not a big leap, it’s just a step over a little puddle.”

That’s when I knew I had been making a mountain out of a mole hill, and even better, this was a little puddle that I could step over. It’s more like a series of puddles and I only have to walk over one at a time! I went from using language that was draining my energy and closing off possibilities to language that shows ease and flow and being at choice. I’ve done this with many, many clients, and now I had someone to help me reframe for myself.

If you are reading this article, it means that I’ve posted it on my website and I’ve sent it out to my newsletter list! The next step for me is to repeat the process over and over until it feels like second nature to me. Please reach out if there is a dream or a “future project” that you’d like to discuss. I want to help you find that new perspective.

Lessons Learned:

1. When you have a bunch of big things you want to accomplish “someday”, pick one and work on it – one step at a time – with a commitment to complete it.

2. Take any big project and chunk it down into smaller steps. When you decide on the first step, it makes the possibility of achieving the next steps much more likely.

3. Action, any action, is better than standing still. If the first step isn’t the right one, that’s ok. You can shift your path at any time.

4. It’s OK to ask for help; an accountability partner, someone to talk to who will be there as you find your new, winning perspective.

See Beyond the Obstacles

I don't usually talk about my spiritual life publicly, but a recent church sermon really got me thinking.

We had a guest priest saying the mass, an Irish friend of our pastor. He mentioned the story of St. Bernadette, who heard the voice of Mary every day for 2 weeks. (I felt very close to St. Bernadette as a child so I paid close attention to this story!)

Mary asked Bernadette to visit the grotto day after day and her persistence and passion started to draw very large crowds. (Her hometown of Lourdes, France is now famous because of Bernadette). By the 14th day the police had blocked off the grotto in an attempt to keep her from her mission. Bernadette had to go to the other side of the stream, climb up the terrain a bit and look down on the grotto from a distance, beyond all the obstacles, in order to see Mary in the grotto. Father Harris made the comparison to our lives, where we come to church daily or weekly to be with God and get beyond all the obstacles in our lives - work and family demands, technology, and the hustle and bustle of life - to be able to see where we are heading and create a path to it.

I'm reminded of the photo I use on this very website on my Philosophy page and share again here. I was traveling in Switzerland with my husband, Steve, and I took the photo 15 minutes after a storm delayed our hike . You can see the storm just beyond us, and even further out you can see the sun shining. You have a choice of what to focus your eye on - the storm or the beautiful sun shining in the distance.

This concept of seeing our lives from above the obstacles, or choosing whether to focus on the storm or the sunshine, is what life coaching has done for me and what I try to do for my clients. Don't let the hustle and bustle of life, along with its demands and obstacles keep you from seeing what your life purpose is. Don't let the inner obstacles of fear or doubt keep you from believing in what is possible. 

Where is your focus?
Is it on the distractions in front of you or the distant path yet traveled?
Is it on the problems or the possibilities and the outcome you want?

Take some time to envision the possible paths your life can take.
Make the time to evaluate the obstacles that are keeping you blocked.
Find a mindset or perspective that will allow you to see the possibilities instead of just the problems.
Create a plan or strategy to bust through the obstacles now, before you waste more time submitting to your fears, doubts, and trivialities of life.
Make your life mean something powerful.
And finally, connect to whatever spirituality allows you to be one with yourself without judgment or criticism. Accept who you are and be the best you can be, create the life you want to live.

I call that being "The Empowered YOU"!

Have a great day.
~Monica